Would I Build It If No One Would Ever See It?

You may have noticed (or perhaps not and maybe I’m simply flattering myself) that I’ve been flying under the radar for quite some time. You see, I’ve had things to do and mainly healing to attempt. I say attempt because with all of the buzzy approaches to “being healed” these days it’s easy to think that if I haven’t healed a certain way then perhaps, I’m not healed at all. But healing isn’t clear cut and it’s never complete. Healing, for me, has been the act of turning inward this time around and doing some housework on who I am and how I am. And the conclusion I’ve come to is that I’m doing just fine building a life that perhaps, no one needs to see.

The work I’ve been doing both on a personal level and here at Lost Girl Therapy hasn’t been for show. It’s not been this big and brash outward expression of growth. Instead, it’s been full of poignant and quiet moments where I ask myself: What am I building?

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The answer to that question has yet to be revealed in fullness but a conversation I had recently made me wonder: What would I build even if no one got to see it? What type of life and business would I create even if not a single person around me validated my choice? Even if it never became successful in other people’s eyes? Even if it meant I was doing all of this work in a personal vacuum with no idea if it would work out - would I still build it?

The conclusion I’ve come to has been a resounding yes which is both a relief and a fascination to me. I’ve always ben outwardly oriented and I certainly used to be external motivated. But years of turning inward with diligence and routine have proven to me how little I require the validation of the external. That in itself is incredibly freeing. What’s fascinating is how many more dreams I have now that I’m not concerned about the external outcome. I spent time yesterday writing down dreams on the summer solstice. I took out my journal and I tried to dream as wildly and vividly as I used to as a kid. I wrote down dreams I hadn’t remembered since childhood and I take that to be a positive sign. If I’m willing to dream as boldly as I did as a child it must mean that my soul is free from the concerns of proving something to others. It’s free from that space of checking over my shoulder to see who or who is not paying attention. My soul is free from the expectation that who I am and what I do must matter to everyone more than I matter to myself.

To be in this much alignment with my soul is a gift I would wish on everyone. Because this space, this feeling of openness to possibility and detachment from limits – this is the space of dreaming and achieving. This is the space where life explodes into something wonderous and I cannot tell you how excited I am to finally be here.